DIY Die-Dating

Dear readers.

I think I really need to say: sorry. For me exams and summer has taken a lot of my time, and now is the first time I had had the time to write a post. So, here you go.

In the last few months, things haven’t been standing still in my life. Not even on the love-side. Recently I went to this party where I got quite drunk. After having danced all night, one of my (not at all very close friends) came to me and talked. But suddenly we also kissed. This was quite weird for me, since I never really felt that we had talked that much before. Actually, I wasn’t sure if he knew who I was. But… I guess he did.
Anyway he wrote me the day after, and asked if I would like to join him for a cup of coffee. I was aware that he might not just asked if “I would like a cup of coffee”, but I’m really not good at letting people down like that. So I said yes. And that was a date.

You should know that this guy – Sean – is not particular hot or sexy (not at all actually. Which kinda tells how drunk I was that night!). But I went to his home and we sat for hours, talking, chatting and drinking coffee: all in all we just had a great time. He is nice and funny, and I really like talking with him. But in the evening he started kissing me. I wouldn’t mind that much, if it wasn’t because that Sean just really sucked at kissing! He convinced me it would be a good idea, if I slept over – so I did. I don’t really know what I was thinking; of course we ended up having sex… And I can now say that he was the absolute worst bang I’ve ever had. Honestly I started laughing during the act (yep, I know I’m a loser, but it was that bad!) – Also because he really doesn’t turn me on. Well, we figured it out anyway without awkward situations, but I really doubt that we will see each other again. It was just not worth it. But if I’m lucky, we might have a chance to be just friends in future.

This whole friends-or-not-friends-thing made me think about how guys ask girls out, and how girls (especially I) have a lot of trouble turned the guys down. So Fanny send me this picture of a card, you can fill out, with a headline saying: “WHY I MUST HAVE SEX WITH YOU”. I think it’s really cool. Maybe I should give them to the boys, who wanna have sex with me – in that way I would also know if it would be a bad bang before I lay in his bed!

xoxo Lucy.

Happy New Year and Happy Safe Sex

Dear everyone who’s reading this blog. Firstly: I’m very sorry that it has been... I don’t know how many months since my last post. I could give a thousand reasons why, but in the end, I just didn’t know what to write about. Secondly: in honour of this being the last day in 2012, I will just say a few nostalgic words: 2012 has been a crazy year for me for many reasons. Sexually I have experienced quite a lot. I have learned how different boys can be. And how difference there can be, if you’re having sex with one type or the other. And all these boys have also taught me a thing or two about myself and what turns me on.

But if I should only pick one incident that has been genuinely eye-opening, it would be this:
Two weeks ago Fannie (a girl from my class) and I were chatting - using the famous Facebook - about boys, sex and love. She told me that she had started to make a list of all the boys she had ever kissed – a list of every single boy she’d ever kissed. I had considered doing so myself earlier on, but I’ve always felt it was too embarrassing. Nevertheless I ended up making my own list – one with all the boys I’ve kissed and one with the boys that I have slept with. And I was right: this list turned out to be some of the most embarrassing things, I’ve ever seen. Not that I’m ashamed of what (or who) I have done, but for an entirely different reason.
The study found that of boys I’ve ever kissed (kissed for real of course, not just in a game or something) I have slept with 25% of them. God, that’s a quarter of them all! I was quite shocked. It really puts thing in perspective, huh?
But what might have been even more shocking was that I don’t even remember the names of 21,875% of the boys I’ve kissed! That’s more than one fifth of them! (In my defence I can say that they were all boys I had kissed during a festival last summer... I think I’m legally excused!)
Now, I’m just going to point out, that these numbers may sound or look big, but I have (only?) kissed 32 boys in my life, which means that only seven names have slipped my mind  (ah, okay, I’m sorry... alright?) and I’ve only slept with eight of all them (no comments. But I will say that 62 % of them were goooood sex).

I'm not proud of these numbers, (considered the fact that I’m only 18 years old), but I have only had positive experiences with all these boys. And, as you might know, I’m very large whenever the subject deals with sex. I believe that man is forever curious and wants to explore everything – and I believe this is healthy and important to discover and practise sex. And this year I have had wonderful experiences with the most fantastic boys. They have taught me a few things:

1. The older the boys, the better the sex.
2. Musicians are very good in bed.
3. Don’t be afraid to try out new positions or ways of doing it – you might actually like it.

As for 2013 I can only wish that I am going to have just as much sex as I did this year, with wonderful boys as well, and that I’ll experience even more different positions and places to do it than this year (but it could be nice, if I could remember just a few more names, though...).  And, of course, I wish you all the best of times this coming year – whether you haven’t had your first time yet, have a boyfriend, or have been all around the world.  

But before all jump on into the new year with all your fellows and with lust for sex, just remember one thing: protect yourselves!

Happy New Year and Happy Safe Sex to you all!

xoxo Lucy

Who’s Your Boss?

Last week I slept at one of my “friend’s” apartment. I have played with him in a band for some time, and we actually hadn’t talked in a long time. He had been busy with photographing, his ex-girlfriend and travelling, and I had just been busy with school. I was a bit surprised when he suddenly wrote me this summer. We were both at the same festival (Roskilde Festival), and he asked if I wanted to meet with him. I think I’ve always found him charming and attractive, so I gave it a go. Unfortunately I was really, really, really drunk most of the time at the festival, and that exact night was no exception. Of course we ended up kissing and then we went back to his tent. And yes, we did do it – but I really don’t think it was any good. At least I can’t remember it – and that’s never a good thing, right?

However, we didn’t talk any more for the rest of the summer. But we met randomly at some party afterwards and we tried to reach each other on the cell phone for the next few weeks, but always without luck. After another failed text with “you wanna meet tonight? (; “ (from me of course...) he wrote me, if I wanted to see him, when we were both sober (oh yes, that will need to be in italics!).
Now, I have always thought a lot about what men vs. women were turned on by. I am of the belief that every boy is more or less into either being dominated or being dominating. I really have a strong feeling about what the man/boy wants and I have never been wrong about it (at least not yet!).  I don’t know where this feeling comes from, but somehow I just always know what to do and what turns the boy on (or at least I think so... Well... No one has complained – so that’s a confirmation in my theory... right?).
So; I had this idea that this boy might have a little thing for being dominated – well, just a bit!! So after we had done it (twice...) I asked him: “what turns you on? Anything I can do (implicit next time)?” And to that he answered: “Well... I like the most, when girls are on the top, you know, like, taking the lead”. Cachiiing! I was right. (Okay, admitted! I couldn’t hold back a little triumphing smile!)

I talked about the “who should dominate in bed?” conflict with Alma and Francisca. Francisca doesn’t believe in my theory about every boy leaning a bit for either being dominated or to dominate, she believes that it depends on your partners’ mood, sex-desire, and that it shifts during the whole act. And of course I agree with her! I do believe that shifting positions in the sexual act is very important, but it doesn’t exclude the (from my point of view) fact that every boy (and also girl!) are turned more on by either being dominated or dominate themselves. Alma agreed with me. But when they asked me what I would prefer in bed, I actually became doubtful. I have never been asked that question before. Francisca said immediately: “I would definitely prefer a big, strong man to push me down and do me”. Alma couldn’t fully agree with that. She wasn’t sure what she liked the best, because to be honest; she really liked to be the one in charge as well! I must admit; after I have tried a few different situations I would anytime prefer to be dominated. I may be traditional, but it turns me much more on to be laid by a “big, strong man”.

I have only tried that once – unfortunately – but that was one hell of a turn on! What makes you turned on? To be dominated or to dominate?

xoxo Lucy

Should We Cross The Line With A 69?

The other day I went to my musician’s hall of residence. We had been fighting a bit the day before, and the atmosphere between us was a bit tense. We were both drunk and it was five in the morning. Pretty soon we were both naked and the foreplay was going well. Suddenly he pulls me up upon him, and before I knew where I was, we were doing a 69. Yeah, you heard it.

I believe most of the girls have tried it. Well, at least I have tried it once before (even though I couldn’t carry through it of just laughter… I mean, it was like I was lying the wrong way!). I don’t hate this sex position – I just don’t know how to enjoy it right! In my opinion it is actually a very difficult position. The idea of both to give and enjoy at the same time can be a tough wall to break. It is rare these days that I pass by a 69 but nevertheless I believe that the 69 is only enjoyed by the males. It is difficult to do a well blowjob, when you’re using all your energy on trying to pant, groan, enjoy it, stay up and do a nice job when you have a penis in your mouth at the same time. Jesus!! On the other hand I think it is a pretty easy job for the guys: they only have to lie down and move their tongue.

This must be the boys’ idea of how it feels to be a girl, for just some minutes. However, for us girls it is actually just something to get over with. It is really a question of you having the time for a 69, or should you just need to go straight to the (actual) fun part? Boys probably see the 69 as a very overrated position. For some time ago it was very crazy thing to do the 69. Something they could boast about to their friends. And now? Apparently something they still like to do. But to be truly honest – it’s not my thing. At. All. And I wonder how many girls who actually like it? I would personally at anytime prefer to give a blowjob or to be going down on. Call me traditional, but I like it to do it the right way. And turning your face the wrong way in relation to each other in a bed just appears very awkward! Or maybe it’s just across my border (I would never imagine I should say that word about any sex position! But then again... It is a 69!).

Alma, Carla, Francisca (another girl from my class) and I talked about the 69 and played with the rhymes that go to 69. The best example came from Alma. Maybe that is the way to suggest your boy/girlfriend a 69 (though it will be very understandable if they turn you down!). It goes like this:

“You show me yours, I’ll show you mine, together we’ll make a 69!” – good, isn’t it?

Anyway, this wasn’t meant to be a rhyme; I just want to complain about 69!

xoxo Lucy.

Turn Up The Noise, Boys!

Whenever we are having (voluntary) sex, we try to make our partners as comfortable as possible. Since the fewest of us have any idea what our partner likes in the very moment and what she or he will prefer to have us doing to be able to come (unless you’re homosexual... I suppose that makes a lot of things easier in sexual situations?), we are using all of our senses to read our partner. Does it look like she/he likes it? Is she/he moving their body as if they enjoy it? And last but not least can we hear they’re enjoying it?

As you probably already have guessed – this is a speech or a request one may say, to all the dearest boys in the world to get just a bit louder! Now, I know the previous post kind of said how ashamed I get of getting caught in having sex; because of one being too loud. I still believe it is a very terrifying thought, but that doesn’t mean, that I want you boys to shut up! On the contrary! One of the absolute best things during sex is to hear if you enjoy it. I don’t know why so many of you guys don’t want to say even the smallest groan when you’re sleeping with a girl, but you have to know that just as well as you would hate if we girls didn’t say anything while making love, we hate it as well when you are as quiet as a dead, drunken body.
I talked to Alma about what she thinks about guys being all quiet in bed. She (as myself) loves when the guys says something in bed, not that it has to be like an opera or a heavy metal song, but just a groan once in a while would be nice. She told me about her ex-boyfriend Neil. Neil’s previous girlfriend’s bedroom didn’t have a door – only a curtain. Therefore Neil had learned to be absolutely quiet during sex. So at the end he found it very odd to be saying anything in bed. Alma found his quietness as a big turn off, and she hated the sex positions, where she couldn’t hear him breathe. The funny part in this story is that if she didn’t say a thing during sex, Neil got totally freaked out. So how do you think us girls feel about you being all quiet?

I think that most girls kind of say a little in bed, if nothing else to communicate with their partners (of course this is also more necessary for girls, given that boys usually have easier reaching climax). I can’t stop but wonder why girls are much more likely to pant and groan in bed than boys? I can only think of three reasons, why they don’t do it:

1.  They don’t want to drown out the sounds of the girls (which I seriously doubt!)
2.  They are raised with the idea (from among other things porn) that it is a female thing to groan, and that it should only be a noise the girls make, whenever the man is doing his job right.
3. They simply don’t know how much it turns us girls on!

Therefore my sweet, hot and handsome boys: will you please start to turn up the noise?!

xoxo Lucy.

Dear Neighbour...

Last week I slept at my musician’s place. He lives in a hall of residence; he has his own (bed)room, where he sleeps, works, practises, and drinks coffee. Then he shares the kitchen with the rest of the corridor, and he shares one toilet and one (extremely small) shower with his neighbour, who’s also a student. That means that between my musician and his neighbour’s rooms there is only a tiny corridor, where they can put their shoes and with doors to the shower and the toilet respectively.
Nevertheless, after unknown reasons we (my musician and I) are suddenly in the shower – doing it. And let me just say that we sure got hot and wet... And, of course, none of us could hold back some panting. Afterwards we returned to his room, and, well, did it again. And just as before – the rollercoaster suddenly drove down the hill.

However, the next day I was high on satisfaction until something quite embarrassing happened: my musician wrote me a text saying: “Quote by my neighbour: I woke up this night, believing you were watching porn and had turned completely up for the sound”. I could just die. His neighbour had apparently heard us in the shower (and maybe also in my musician’s room) and thought that it was porn! Let’s just say, I hadn’t realized I was that loud... Well done mrs. Awkward. Anyway, I texted him back, that he probably owed his neighbour a beer for making all that noise. To that he replayed: “actually, I believe that you are the one that owes him a beer. He said that he could only hear you.” Well fuck me. I really didn’t know what to reply him.  I mean, I know that I groan when I’m turned on, I have just never imagined that people around the rooms could hear me!

Some days later I wrote to Carla (almost panicking) and told her about the situation.  Even though she knows how easily I get embarrassed, she asked me to cool down. After all – this happens all the time, doesn’t it? She told me about the time, when she had slept at Matthew’s house. Because of a big cloudburst in the summer, Matthew’s room (which was in the basement) had been flooded. Therefore his room was temporary in the living room right under his little brother and his parents' bedroom. That night Carla and Matthew had had mind-blowingly good sex, and Carla tried to quiet down, but at the same time she wanted Matthew to know, that she enjoyed it... A lot.
The next morning at the breakfast with his parents and little brother, his little brother suddenly said: “Matthew, can’t you ask your woman to quiet down at night? I really can’t get any sleep with all that noise!” Carla blushed as a flower in blossom. She knew that if his little brother had heard them, then his parents probably also had! Matthew just replied with a laugh and commented that he had tried the best he could. I know Carla and it really takes a lot to make her feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. But this exact morning, she just wanted to run off and never come back – all because of a remark from a little fifteen year old boy.

This whole situation made me remember a (horrible, awful, painful, embarrassing) time, when my ex-boyfriend and I had been to this party, and had gotten pretty drunk. Then we went back to his house (where he lives with his parents) all turned on. His parents’ bedroom is right under his room, and the house is all in all not very soundproof. But did we think about that? Nooo, of course not. We were drunk, horny and crazy. We did it, and we did it good, and afterwards (the clock has been around 4. am at that time) we went to the bathroom to shower. My ex-boyfriend had told me that his mother very easily woke up of the smallest sounds, but I didn’t really think that much about it – after all, there had never been a problem at that point.
The next day his parents woke us up, telling us that they were going on a trip, and they just wanted to say goodbye before leaving the house. So they left, and my ex-boyfriend and I made some breakfast and were just snuggling in the bed, when he turns on his cell phone and suddenly starts to laugh. I asked why he laughed, and he replied: “my mum sent me a text tonight around 3.30 am, it says: will you please quiet down?” I could have sworn, my heart skipped a beat. I swore to myself that I would never, never, never go to his house again, and I would never say hello to his mother again. The fact, that she had heard me groan and was woken up by it, was simply too painful and embarrassing to think of.

Of course I came to their house again, I really couldn’t avoid that, but it took some time. I don’t know if I’m the only one who gets that embarrassed by being made aware of the fact that somebody or someone has heard you pant and groan while you had sex. But I really see no point in telling me! I mean, I’m sorry if anyone has to hear me get turned on in the middle of the night, but the shame I feel afterwards - it’s almost not worth telling me. I just get embarrassed and shy, and feel like a slut from a porn film. I know it’s not really something to worry about, and I know that many of you probably have tried worse, and that you will say, I have nothing to be ashamed of. But I really can’t help it. After all I myself would be very cross about being waken up before the crack of dawn because somebody has a sexual act going on in the room next to me.

I guess, what I really want to say is ‘sorry’. I can’t help the sounds coming out of my mouth, when I have sex. So dear neighbour: I’m very sorry to wake you up time and again, but will you please just bear with me, after all I can’t do anything about it? And will you just not tell me, if I’m too loud? Then I promise by God to shut up next time!

xoxo Lucy. 

Sex With An Ex

During the last weeks, everyone around me seems to be breaking up. Actually, this is a phenomenon that has been going on since the start of the school year, when my ex broke up with me. A few months after Carla broke up with her boyfriend, then Sylvia, and in the last month Alma, Aaron and Fannie (three of my classmates) all broke up with their sweethearts. I don’t know if it’s a kind of summer start-over, or if it just happens accidentally. However, it made me wonder about our ex-relationships. Personally I am still looking for the right recipe to make the relationship with my exes work. I suck at being friends with my exes. I am, unfortunately, not friends with any of my exes from my last two relationships. You can say that is a problem, since they both go to my gymnasium - but we have made it work… Somehow.

Despite my extremely ridiculous bad way to handle my exes, I will dare to say that I’m not the worst in an ex-relationship. Even though I don’t know how to communicate correctly with my exes after a break-up, I never try to hurt or do anything to make them feel bad afterwards. I always take his feelings into consideration, and I have really, really tried to do my best, to just have a nice and relaxed friendship with them. But somehow, anything else seems to get in the way. And even the times when I have actually succeeded in during the right things, they (the boys) always fuck it up. Sorry.

And I’m not the only girl feeling this way. To give an example: After Carla’s break-up with her boyfriend, she was very depressed. Not because they had broken up, she kind of knew that one was coming. She missed him. Not his kisses, not the good sex, not the snuggling in the bed. No, she missed him as a friend. They had been together for almost two years. They had been, of course, extremely close friends: they knew everything about each other, they could laugh together, and they knew how to make each other comfortable. Carla wanted to continue their friendship after their break-up, and her boyfriend agreed on that. They spent a lot of time during their relationship talking about how they easily could continue being friends. Also, they talked about how it would be if they had sex after they had their break-up. They decided, as reasonable grown-ups, that they would make it work, if they slept together after they had broken up.

But when they broke up, everything just turned out a bit different. They talked a bit after the break, but she rarely heard from him. He conveyed that he really didn’t want to be friends with her anyway. After two years he didn’t even want to be friends. What a loser.

One evening, four months after the break-up, Carla went out and she got pretty drunk. She called Mathew (her ex) and was hoping for some easy-going-one-night-stand-sex. She was very aware of the fact, that it wouldn't be anything serious, but just sex with a (ex)friend. She called him and suggested to have sex - he didn’t want to in the first place. But then, 10 minutes later, he called her back and said he wanted her to come over anyway.

So, Carla went home to Mathew - talking to him on the phone all the way, just like when they were friends. He only had one condition for her being there: she had to leave, before his parents woke up. This wouldn't be a problem, considering his parents always woke up at 11 a.m.

Pretty soon they were naked and doing it. After doing it (twice!) Carla went to bed, to get some sleep, before she left. Suddenly, just before Carla could close her eyes, Mathew said: "aren't you supposed to go now then?" Then she said: "well, yeah, but we agreed that I could sleep here, if I just left before your parents woke up. Besides, it's 5 in the morning, and I got a pretty long way

home with train - which by the way doesn't go at this time. Wouldn't it be fair if I could just get a few hours of sleep?" Apparently she couldn't. And just like that he had thrown out his ex-girlfriend, at 5 am, without even a 'thank you'. She had to walk alone in the dark to the station. After 3 hours (!!!) she finally got home.

When Carla told me this, I just couldn’t believe it. I’ve met Matthew once before, and he seemed really nice. So why, why, why did he treat her like this? After how nice she had been to him (even though the sex he had offered her was just as terrible as in Titus Andronicus when that girl was raped… almost!), he just throws her out in the cold morning. But the worst part of it: Carla had (of course) been yelling and been mad at him that night, but he didn’t even apologize to her. He just sat in the corner and said in a low voice: “yeah, I’m sorry, I’m an idiot”. Well, if you can see too that you’re acting foolish, then why the hell are you doing it?! Again – sorry.

This may just be my opinion. But why do we always have to screw your relationships up with our exes? Maybe it’s not impossible, if both parts are 100 % sure of what they are doing. It just seems as if one of the most difficult things in the world is to get along with your ex. I can’t tell how many girls and boys I know, who have the same awkward moment if they meet their ex, as I have. It’s a shame – but nevertheless fully understandable if they treat their exes as Matthew treated Carla. I just believe that it’s kind of sad that you can never really trust a person you have gotten so close to again. Isn’t this the exact same reason, that we have the tendency to get scared of relationships? To back off and stop falling in love with the ones, we actually like? And what can we do, to change this picture?

 I just hope with all these break-ups going on around me, everyone will get out of their relationships in a good way and feel all right afterwards. After all your ex is just a human being!

xoxo Lucy.