Dear Neighbour...

Last week I slept at my musician’s place. He lives in a hall of residence; he has his own (bed)room, where he sleeps, works, practises, and drinks coffee. Then he shares the kitchen with the rest of the corridor, and he shares one toilet and one (extremely small) shower with his neighbour, who’s also a student. That means that between my musician and his neighbour’s rooms there is only a tiny corridor, where they can put their shoes and with doors to the shower and the toilet respectively.
Nevertheless, after unknown reasons we (my musician and I) are suddenly in the shower – doing it. And let me just say that we sure got hot and wet... And, of course, none of us could hold back some panting. Afterwards we returned to his room, and, well, did it again. And just as before – the rollercoaster suddenly drove down the hill.

However, the next day I was high on satisfaction until something quite embarrassing happened: my musician wrote me a text saying: “Quote by my neighbour: I woke up this night, believing you were watching porn and had turned completely up for the sound”. I could just die. His neighbour had apparently heard us in the shower (and maybe also in my musician’s room) and thought that it was porn! Let’s just say, I hadn’t realized I was that loud... Well done mrs. Awkward. Anyway, I texted him back, that he probably owed his neighbour a beer for making all that noise. To that he replayed: “actually, I believe that you are the one that owes him a beer. He said that he could only hear you.” Well fuck me. I really didn’t know what to reply him.  I mean, I know that I groan when I’m turned on, I have just never imagined that people around the rooms could hear me!

Some days later I wrote to Carla (almost panicking) and told her about the situation.  Even though she knows how easily I get embarrassed, she asked me to cool down. After all – this happens all the time, doesn’t it? She told me about the time, when she had slept at Matthew’s house. Because of a big cloudburst in the summer, Matthew’s room (which was in the basement) had been flooded. Therefore his room was temporary in the living room right under his little brother and his parents' bedroom. That night Carla and Matthew had had mind-blowingly good sex, and Carla tried to quiet down, but at the same time she wanted Matthew to know, that she enjoyed it... A lot.
The next morning at the breakfast with his parents and little brother, his little brother suddenly said: “Matthew, can’t you ask your woman to quiet down at night? I really can’t get any sleep with all that noise!” Carla blushed as a flower in blossom. She knew that if his little brother had heard them, then his parents probably also had! Matthew just replied with a laugh and commented that he had tried the best he could. I know Carla and it really takes a lot to make her feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. But this exact morning, she just wanted to run off and never come back – all because of a remark from a little fifteen year old boy.

This whole situation made me remember a (horrible, awful, painful, embarrassing) time, when my ex-boyfriend and I had been to this party, and had gotten pretty drunk. Then we went back to his house (where he lives with his parents) all turned on. His parents’ bedroom is right under his room, and the house is all in all not very soundproof. But did we think about that? Nooo, of course not. We were drunk, horny and crazy. We did it, and we did it good, and afterwards (the clock has been around 4. am at that time) we went to the bathroom to shower. My ex-boyfriend had told me that his mother very easily woke up of the smallest sounds, but I didn’t really think that much about it – after all, there had never been a problem at that point.
The next day his parents woke us up, telling us that they were going on a trip, and they just wanted to say goodbye before leaving the house. So they left, and my ex-boyfriend and I made some breakfast and were just snuggling in the bed, when he turns on his cell phone and suddenly starts to laugh. I asked why he laughed, and he replied: “my mum sent me a text tonight around 3.30 am, it says: will you please quiet down?” I could have sworn, my heart skipped a beat. I swore to myself that I would never, never, never go to his house again, and I would never say hello to his mother again. The fact, that she had heard me groan and was woken up by it, was simply too painful and embarrassing to think of.

Of course I came to their house again, I really couldn’t avoid that, but it took some time. I don’t know if I’m the only one who gets that embarrassed by being made aware of the fact that somebody or someone has heard you pant and groan while you had sex. But I really see no point in telling me! I mean, I’m sorry if anyone has to hear me get turned on in the middle of the night, but the shame I feel afterwards - it’s almost not worth telling me. I just get embarrassed and shy, and feel like a slut from a porn film. I know it’s not really something to worry about, and I know that many of you probably have tried worse, and that you will say, I have nothing to be ashamed of. But I really can’t help it. After all I myself would be very cross about being waken up before the crack of dawn because somebody has a sexual act going on in the room next to me.

I guess, what I really want to say is ‘sorry’. I can’t help the sounds coming out of my mouth, when I have sex. So dear neighbour: I’m very sorry to wake you up time and again, but will you please just bear with me, after all I can’t do anything about it? And will you just not tell me, if I’m too loud? Then I promise by God to shut up next time!

xoxo Lucy.