During the last weeks, everyone around me seems to be
breaking up. Actually, this is a phenomenon that has been going on since the
start of the school year, when my ex broke up with me. A few months after Carla
broke up with her boyfriend, then Sylvia, and in the last month Alma, Aaron and
Fannie (three of my classmates) all broke up with their sweethearts. I don’t
know if it’s a kind of summer start-over, or if it just happens accidentally.
However, it made me wonder about our ex-relationships. Personally I am still
looking for the right recipe to make the relationship with my exes work. I suck
at being friends with my exes. I am, unfortunately, not friends with any of my
exes from my last two relationships. You can say that is a problem, since they
both go to my gymnasium - but we have made it work… Somehow.
Despite
my extremely ridiculous bad way to handle my exes, I will dare to say that I’m
not the worst in an ex-relationship. Even though I don’t know how to
communicate correctly with my exes after a break-up, I never try to hurt or do
anything to make them feel bad afterwards. I always take his feelings into
consideration, and I have really, really tried to do my best, to just have a
nice and relaxed friendship with them. But somehow, anything else seems to get
in the way. And even the times when I have actually succeeded in during the
right things, they (the boys) always fuck it up. Sorry.
And
I’m not the only girl feeling this way. To give an example: After Carla’s
break-up with her boyfriend, she was very depressed. Not because they had
broken up, she kind of knew that one was coming. She missed him. Not his
kisses, not the good sex, not the snuggling in the bed. No, she missed him as a
friend. They had been together for almost two years. They had been, of course,
extremely close friends: they knew everything about each other, they could
laugh together, and they knew how to make each other comfortable. Carla wanted
to continue their friendship after their break-up, and her boyfriend agreed on
that. They spent a lot of time during their relationship talking about how they
easily could continue being friends. Also, they talked about how it would be if
they had sex after they had their break-up. They decided, as reasonable
grown-ups, that they would make it work, if they slept together after they had
broken up.
But
when they broke up, everything just turned out a bit different. They talked a
bit after the break, but she rarely heard from him. He conveyed that he really
didn’t want to be friends with her anyway. After two years he didn’t even
want to be friends. What a loser.
One
evening, four months after the break-up, Carla went out and she got pretty
drunk. She called Mathew (her ex) and was hoping for some
easy-going-one-night-stand-sex. She was very aware of the fact, that it
wouldn't be anything serious, but just sex with a (ex)friend. She called him
and suggested to have sex - he didn’t want to in the first place. But then, 10
minutes later, he called her back and said he wanted her to come over anyway.
So,
Carla went home to Mathew - talking to him on the phone all the way, just like
when they were friends. He only had one condition for her being there: she had
to leave, before his parents woke up. This wouldn't be a problem, considering his parents always woke up at 11 a.m.
Pretty
soon they were naked and doing it. After doing it (twice!) Carla went to bed,
to get some sleep, before she left. Suddenly, just before Carla could close her
eyes, Mathew said: "aren't you supposed to go now then?" Then she
said: "well, yeah, but we agreed that I could sleep here, if I just left
before your parents woke up. Besides, it's 5 in the morning, and I got a pretty
long way
home
with train - which by the way doesn't go at this time. Wouldn't it be fair if I
could just get a few hours of sleep?" Apparently she couldn't. And just
like that he had thrown out his ex-girlfriend, at 5 am, without even a 'thank
you'. She had to walk alone in the dark to the station. After 3 hours (!!!) she
finally got home.
When
Carla told me this, I just couldn’t believe it. I’ve met Matthew once before,
and he seemed really nice. So why, why, why did he treat her like this? After
how nice she had been to him (even though the sex he had offered her was just
as terrible as in Titus Andronicus when that girl was raped… almost!), he just
throws her out in the cold morning. But the worst part of it: Carla had (of
course) been yelling and been mad at him that night, but he didn’t even
apologize to her. He just sat in the corner and said in a low voice: “yeah, I’m
sorry, I’m an idiot”. Well, if you can see too that you’re acting foolish,
then why the hell are you doing it?! Again – sorry.
This
may just be my opinion. But why do we always have to screw your relationships
up with our exes? Maybe it’s not impossible, if both parts are 100 % sure of
what they are doing. It just seems as if one of the most difficult things in
the world is to get along with your ex. I can’t tell how many girls and boys I
know, who have the same awkward moment if they meet their ex, as I have. It’s a
shame – but nevertheless fully understandable if they treat their exes as
Matthew treated Carla. I just believe that it’s kind of sad that you can never
really trust a person you have gotten so close to again. Isn’t this the exact
same reason, that we have the tendency to get scared of relationships? To back
off and stop falling in love with the ones, we actually like? And what can we
do, to change this picture?
I
just hope with all these break-ups going on around me, everyone will get out of
their relationships in a good way and feel all right afterwards. After all your
ex is just a human being!
xoxo
Lucy.
